I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
