dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
