When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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