I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
