BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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