I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
