So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
