I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
