i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize