my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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