the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is not my ceiling
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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