the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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