We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
