fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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