No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Still dying that you shit outside
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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