His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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