Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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