You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
