Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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