Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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