What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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