omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
