Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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