Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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