What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
