Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
