I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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