Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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