It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
