Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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