Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
