Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
