remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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