I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize