Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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