I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
