We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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