just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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