dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
