You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
