They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
