My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
