Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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