I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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