Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
