these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
