i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
