All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
