I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
