I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
