i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
be right there i have to get my cape
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
