yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
