I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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