im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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