PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
