well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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