Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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