No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
