Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
