My hand turned me down
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
