I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
