thus making me awesome and them whores
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
