Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
