man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
