you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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