you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
