i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
