Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
