Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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