wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
