you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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