I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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