I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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