This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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