Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
